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A young boy was helping his grandfather dig potatoes. After a while the child began to tire. "Grandpa", he asked, "what made you bury these things anyway?"
Little Tim's Goldfish
Little Tim was in the garden filling in a hole when his neighbor peered over the fence.
Interested in what the cheeky-faced youngster was up to, he politely asked, "What'cha doing, Tim?"
"My goldfish died," replied the boy tearfully, without looking up. "I've just buried him."
The neighbor was concerned. "That's an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?"
Tim patted down the last heap of earth, then replied, "That's because he's inside your dumb cat."
Grandma's Home
When I stopped the bus to pick up Chris for preschool, I noticed an older woman hugging him as he left the house. "Is that your grandmother?" I asked.
"Yes," Chris said. "She's come to visit us for Christmas."
"How nice," I said. "Where does she live?"
"At the airport," Chris replied. "Whenever we want her, we just go out there and get her."
It's always darkest before............... Daylight Savings Time.
Don't bite the hand that................. looks dirty.
You can't teach an old dog new............math.
If you lie down with dogs, you'll.........stink in the morning.
An idle mind is...........................the best way to relax.
A penny saved is..........................not much.
Don't put off till tomorrow what..........you put on to go to bed.
Children should be seen and not...........spanked or grounded.
If at first you don't succeed.............get new batteries.
When the blind leadeth the blind..........get out of the way.
And the favorite...
Better late than..........................pregnant.
Wise Advice from Children
"Everyone has feelings, except for snakes and principals." - Donna Maria G, age 9
"Laugh and the world laughs with you, cry and the world laughs at you." - Rob P, age 8
"If life gives you nothing but lemons, make up a better shopping list for it." - Steven B, age 8
"Moses came down with the Ten Amendments, which were God's Bill of Wrongs." - Susie F., age 7
"Doctors automatically know what's wrong with you. They have a sick sense." - Beau M., age 10
"My dog had worms. I think he was going fishing." - Emma B., age 4
After his first encounter of reading the front of a sugar packet, Josh said, "I don't want poor sugar, I want rich sugar". Josh's mom pondered on this for a minute, then replied "it's not poor sugar, it's pure sugar".
JOSHUA
written by Doug Emerick, July 1994
It is a nice day and I think Joshua has another extensive exploring expedition planned for us. Joshua is a born explorer and mighty hunter. We went exploring a couple of days ago and he enjoyed it very much. When we came back from our journey I started working in our yard.
I raked the leaves on the south side of our home into a large pile. Right away Joshua's keen eyes noticed the new mountain of leaves before him. This was the kind of challenge he liked, after all he loved adventure and exploring. Mountain climbing would be a piece of cake. He soon made short work of that mountain as he tore through it, leaves flying everywhere. Once the mighty explorer's conquest of the mountain was achieved, he continued to hunt and explore on the lower plains of our yard.
I have to watch Joshua very closely, for he is a cunning and skilled hunter for his age and he hunts everything. You can see him crouch down and then those lightening fast hands reach out, using both hands at the same time, in different directions if he wants and he will have in his grasp what it is he is reaching for and then straight into his mouth it goes. He will eat anything. He will pick up rocks, leaves, twigs, grass, acorn shells from our tree, anything and everything, and after the other day a new item on his list, worms.
Here is what happened. I was standing approximately five feet away from Joshua when I noticed he was crouched down and he was stalking something. I looked a little closer and I could see that he was watching a small worm that was crawling on the ground which I uncovered while raking up the leaves. I knew what could happen next if I didn't move as swiftly and as fast as Joshua's deadly hands. I made my move just as Joshua was making his. It wasn't my swift and fast speed that saved that little worm from being bitten in half, but it was that I startled Joshua when I yelled "No Josh!". It gave me the needed edge and time to reach him and grab his hands. I don't know if the worm knows how lucky it was, or how close he came to being Joshua's lunch.
I know one thing for sure, if his mother would have been there and if Josh would have succeeded in eating the worm, I could see her in my minds eye, fainted dead away in her tracks on the lawn. Glad she wasn't there.
Life is mighty exciting and adventurous when I am with the mighty hunter and explorer Joshua.
Kid Jokes (We're all kids!)
School Daze
It was at the end of the school year, and a kindergarten teacher was receiving gifts from her pupils.
The florist's son handed her a gift. She shook it, held it overhead, and said, "I bet I know what it is. Some flowers." "
That's right" the boy said, "but how did you know?"
"Oh, just a wild guess," she said.
The next pupil was the candy shop owner's daughter.
The teacher held her gift overhead, shook it, and said, "I bet I can guess what it is. A box of sweets."
"That's right, but how did you know?" asked the girl.
"Oh, just a wild guess," said the teacher.
The next gift was from the son of the liquor store owner. The teacher held the package overhead, but it was leaking. She touched a drop of the leakage with her finger and touched it to her tongue.
"Is it wine?" she asked.
"No," the boy replied, with some excitement.
The teacher repeated the process, taking a larger drop of the leakage to her tongue.
"Is it champagne?" she asked.
"No," the boy replied, with more excitement.
The teacher took one more taste before declaring, "I give up, what is it?"
With great glee, the boy replied, "It's a puppy!"
KID'S PRAYERS (sent in by Pam)
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